Tuesday, September 28, 2010
"IS WATCHING PORN CHEATING?"
Like I have said before, in relationships we to have set our own realistic rules. I feel that what others outside of your relationship consider cheating may not necessarily hold true for your situation. We have to learn to handle the issues that arise in our relationships on an individual basis and not go with the popular public opinion. Sandi Jackson, the wife of Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr., was just quoted when speaking on his affair by saying “it’s amazing how what you once thought was black and white becomes variations of a color called gray.”
If watching porn is your guilty pleasure and your mate is uncomfortable with the activity, it is only fair that the both of you consider the feelings of one another. Is porn more important than your relationship? Maybe you can come to an agreed scheduled time of when it is acceptable.
Most importantly, you should assess your reasons for watching porn. Many people have undiagnosed addictions to porn that are simply overlooked because there is no controlled substance involved, but countless hours of pornographic activity is very controlling and time consuming. Subscriptions to several porn sites that cost money can be a problem that translates into your mate’s issues with porn. Are you watching porn because of the lack of sexual activity in your relationship? Do you feel that you have watch porn in order to be fulfilled sexually?
Acknowledging the issues some people may have with their partners watching porn, I personally do not feel that it is cheating, but I am not in a relationship with you. I also feel that it is something that should be addressed up front before entering into a relationship. The same time everything else is being discovered about one another like drinking, smoking, partying, and etc.
“Starting the conversation can lead to the resolution”
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Revealing the Revelation: Desire vs. Destiny
For I know the plans I have for you, “says the LORD.” They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Do you ever wake up some mornings and declare, “This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it,” but somewhere throughout the course of the day that joy gets lost and your declaration becomes simple religious rhetoric? Do you often find yourself slipping into a blue mood for reasons beneath the surface of your understanding? Have you ever felt like you wanted to cry, scream or just have a fit of frustration? It is understandable sometimes when there are specific issues pressing, but when it’s not clear what the reason is, perplexity takes over.
I was explaining my feelings to a friend and he told me that there were some things in my life that I was not dealing with that were getting the best of me at that moment. I thought about it for a moment and immediately the Holy Spirit revealed to me that the undercurrent that was pulling me down was the struggle between my desires and my destiny. It was an astounding moment of epiphany. It was as if someone had just flicked on the light in a room of darkness.
Let’s first establish an understanding of the two words desire and destiny; we then can further understand their repelling forces. For the most part, our desires tend to be carnal by nature. The word desire is defined as: to long for or to crave, a sexual appetite, but don’t get stuck just on sexual appetite; it’s deeper than that. Desires tend to satisfy our flesh with temporary solutions to things that require permanent resolutions through spiritual revelations.
When we see things we want, we go after them without praying and asking God for direction and without consideration of how it may affect us in the long run. God gives us permission to do whatever we want to do, but warns us that not all things are beneficial. This means that some things will not line up with his divine plan and will end up costing you something. Some things will not benefit you as it relates to where God is trying to lead you. Think about if your job didn’t offer a benefits package; nothing would assist you in long term planning, financially or physically. How long would you continue to be content with just a bi-weekly check that satisfied your present situation, but did nothing for your future?
It is our desires that tend to get us into debt, bad marriages and situations that cause us to compromise our morals and our spiritual principles. It is often our desires that lead us into wilderness situations; Situations that cause us to wonder, “How did I get here and why am I here?”
I think back to when I was teenager/young adult and mother told me that I was living the wild life. At that moment I was really offended by that comment because I did not see anything that I was doing as wild. Yes, I partied with my friends, yes I stayed out late, yes I wasn’t as responsible with things that I should have been, but it didn’t seem wild to me because I was comparing what she said to some other things that other people were doing. I took a personal moment of reflection and I transferred the word wild to the acronym W.I.L.D (Whenever I Lose Direction). What my mother was implying is that I was not walking in my purpose, how I had no direction; every decision I made was for the moment from day to day. I was fulfilling my desires and delaying my destiny.
When God created us, He had a plan in mind and that plan is known as our destiny. According to Webster, our destiny is our inevitable fate; our predetermined course of events, which put simply means that there are some things that are going to happen along the way in life that have been purposely planted on your path for your growth and development. Everything is not going to look or feel good, but it will work for your good.
Some people think of destiny and say to themselves “If it’s inevitable then I can just do whatever I want and wait for it to come.” My questions when I hear this statement are “How do you want to finish?” In what condition would you like to be in when you cross the finish line? Do you want to walk, run, be carried or pushed across the finish line?”
Jeremiah 1:5 reads, “Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you.” Later in Jeremiah we find, “for I know the plans I have for you”, says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” God took time to think about you and me and in his thinking he mapped out the best plan for our lives. He made a detailed itinerary and agenda. He has purchased tickets, made reservations, and has secured transportation. All we have to do is show up.
The longer we continue to fulfill our desires we delay our destiny. It is not until we begin to desire what God desires for us that we stay on course with destiny. It is when we mirror God’s desires that we begin to get direction out of the wilderness and into the land of promise.
What God desires for us may not be as much fun as we would like it to be? What God desires for us may not keep us in the popular clique, but it is guaranteed to be the most beneficial and fulfilling thing we could ever do.
Father God, touch my heart and my mind so that I may begin accept the things that you desire for my life. Teach me to be obedient and faithful to the path that you have set before me. Continue to reveal to me who I am in you and continue to show me the way to walk. Keep me upright before men so that they see your work working in me. Father God, let the words of my mouth be acceptable and my actions accountable. It is in the name of Jesus I pray
Thursday, September 16, 2010
"I have a recent ex that tries to gain my attention through negative actions or words then turns around and whispers sweet nothings through text. It's confusing and irritating. I don't want to cut him off because he means a lot to me. What to do?"
You said it yourself, he is trying to gain your attention. Your response lets him know that he is irritating and confusing you and it drives him to continue. I find that when we end relationships we always want to keep our ex's as friends as if its going to make the transition easier or less painful. No it doesnt! For some, its only pouring salt into open wounds. You, knowing him better than most people, can assess if his actions are just out of pain or is this the type of person that he has been all the time. If he is just acting out, then some time being apart is needed and required so that the two of you can exhale and sort through the pieces of whats salvagable from the relationship. What can you save from the relationship to start the foundation for a future friendship?
The most valuable thing that I can tell you about this situation is that you have to draw your own boundary lines in the sand. Your well being comes first and is the only priority in your healing process. You may not want to just cut him off cold turkey, but limit his access to you and you will begin to see a change in the situation.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
It's Tuesday and today is the debut of my weekly blog "Two Cents Tuesday." Throughout the week I will be receiving random emails from different people soliciting my two cents worth of advice on random topics that are affecting their lives in one way or another. The content of this blog may get a little adult from time to time depending on what is being asked of me. I will try not to edit the questions or the advice whenever possible just so we can keep the integrity of the situation.
Well here goes..................
"I have a partner and you have a partner, but we both want each other badly. What do we do?"
Many people come face to face with this situation and I can almost assume that this is not the first time either of you have been at this crossroad before. Without knowing your relationship personally, I can only tackle what I feel here in these words "we both want each other badly." Immediately, LUST comes to my mind. This is nothing more than pure lust that has gotten out of control. You have to weigh the cost of losing everything that you both have invested in your partners for a few moments of passion. Usually, when we want something "badly" it is only for the sake of feeling the satisfaction of temporarily pleasing our flesh. Personally, I feel that you and this person should discontinue any contact with one another and channel the energy you feel for one another into your relationships. To continue to see one another or talk to one another will only fuel the fire because you both will continue to feed the weakness and it will only grow. Start casual conversations with your partners and see what may be lacking at home. There is a root to this situation and the sooner you get down to it the sooner you can cut it off. Remember love requires discipline
"Please explain to me why I can't find a real date. Why is it that 90% of dudes can't get pass the size of my ass and see the rest of me?"
First, I don't know if you were serious when you sent this or not, but I am going to give you two cents anyway (Smile). Never forget that men will be men no matter if they are gay, straight, blind or crazy. If you have a nice behind they are going to notice it. It's the nature of most men. Your response to this behavior dictates what happens next. You can either loosen up and pay it to the wind or you can turn up your nose and don't look back. Finding someone real can be a challenge whether its a real date or a real friend. Good things don't come easy. I will say to you that you shouldnt give up because of a few immature men because you're only looking for one. Trust me, you will know the difference between a lover and a loser.