Thursday, September 16, 2010
TWO CENTS TUESDAY 9/21/10
"I have a recent ex that tries to gain my attention through negative actions or words then turns around and whispers sweet nothings through text. It's confusing and irritating. I don't want to cut him off because he means a lot to me. What to do?"
You said it yourself, he is trying to gain your attention. Your response lets him know that he is irritating and confusing you and it drives him to continue. I find that when we end relationships we always want to keep our ex's as friends as if its going to make the transition easier or less painful. No it doesnt! For some, its only pouring salt into open wounds. You, knowing him better than most people, can assess if his actions are just out of pain or is this the type of person that he has been all the time. If he is just acting out, then some time being apart is needed and required so that the two of you can exhale and sort through the pieces of whats salvagable from the relationship. What can you save from the relationship to start the foundation for a future friendship?
The most valuable thing that I can tell you about this situation is that you have to draw your own boundary lines in the sand. Your well being comes first and is the only priority in your healing process. You may not want to just cut him off cold turkey, but limit his access to you and you will begin to see a change in the situation.